April 29, 2009
BREAKING NEWS: Parliamentary Employees Instructed to Behave Like Adults in Efforts to Battle Pig Flu
I have just received an email from Parliamentary Notices concerning the “outbreak” of swine flu (I work in the Houses of Commons, for those who don’t know).
It offers crucial advice for stopping the spread of swine flu:
We encourage you to take the following simple precautionary measures which have been shown to be effective in reducing the transmission of all viruses – this information is also being widely available in the national press, on health agency websites and elsewhere:
- Cover your nose and mouth when coughing or sneezing, using a tissue when possible.
- Dispose of dirty tissues promptly and carefully.
- Maintain good basic hygiene, for example washing hands frequently with soap and water to reduce the spread of the virus from your hands to face or to other people.
I’m glad that I received this email!
You see, I was raised by a colony of feral urban baboons who taught me to sneeze in people’s faces, leave my used tissues in other people’s dinners, and to never, ever, wash my hands.
Thankfully these childhood lessons have been over-turned by the power of Parliamentary Notices, in their efforts to take the concept of the nanny state to a whole new level.
Duncan said,
April 30, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Oxford’s totally lost it as well after the number of confirmed cases in the UK shot up into single figures. We had an email today reassuring us that the University’s Pandemic Planning Committee is meeting shortly to review a planning document for all departments and colleges. Phew, another load of my mind.
Peter said,
May 1, 2009 at 10:53 am
Heh, we also received emails from the college pandemic planning committee. I like to think they have a special van, like the mystery machine.
Grace said,
May 5, 2009 at 4:03 pm
our assistant head said it was “very probable” we wouldn’t be able to sit our exams this summer and would have to do them at the END OF THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS
he’d better be exaggering
*terrified*